Towards self-reliance in old age

For many senior citizens, total dependence on their children or other loved ones is often a conveniently accepted way of life. Given their advancing years, they tend to forget, quite understandably, that there are several small personal matters and errands they can well attend to by themselves without having to trouble others. However, the all-too-common human tendency to pass the buck usually prevails.

Owing to their over-demanding jobs, hectic work schedules and numerous other commitments, children’s limits of tolerance and forbearance are often stretched thin. Taxing them at such times with an elder’s problems could lead to avoidable unpleasantness. A practical solution will, therefore, be self-reliance on the part of senior citizens to the extent possible.

As an octogenarian myself, I have found that there is nothing more mentally satisfying than self-help, namely doing whatever one can do around the home. Accordingly, I regularly help out with the shopping and various other household chores, such as ferrying my grandchildren in the car to the bus-stop en route to school and picking them up in the evening. Besides easing the burden of housework on the others, this does boost my self-confidence as well as my sense of self-worth and independence considerably. Of course, when something that needs to be done is clearly beyond me, I never hesitate to seek assistance.

Indeed, as far as senior citizens are concerned, the importance of trying to be independent of others and doing things themselves, where practical, cannot be overstressed. While self-help may not always be possible for elders, the least they can do is to resort to it whenever they can, to reduce the burden on their children to some extent. Chronic over-dependence or reliance on one’s children or others can be annoying and burdensome to them, resulting quite naturally in resentment over time. Being self-reliant to the extent possible is always preferable to being totally dependent on others.

True, children do have a filial obligation to look after and care for their elderly parents. However, elders often tend to be querulous and self-centred; they forget that their children’s assistance could sometimes be unavoidably delayed, withheld or even unforthcoming given their onerous work commitments and obligations to their own families.

Therefore, in a crunch or crisis it’s inadvisable for elders to bank exclusively on the constant availability of their loved ones to bail them out. At such critical times a certain amount of self-reliance is crucial and will go a long way in helping them to cope with the situation until assistance arrives.

Having obliging children or others around to see one through a crisis or problem in one’s old age is truly a blessing that’s often little appreciated. However, one shouldn’t over-tax them unduly and end up alienating them as sometimes happens. To expect one’s children or others to be constantly ‘on call’ as care-givers is unrealistic. As such, for their own good and also to avoid over-burdening their loved ones, elders should aim for at least a modicum of self-reliance in their day-to-day lives.

Clashes of interests are, of course, inevitable and need to be handled with tact and understanding on both sides. Ironically enough, over-dependence on one’s children or kin can sometimes cause problems for elders as much as under-dependence or no dependence at all. A sensible balance needs to be struck in this regard.

gnettomunnar@rediffmail.com